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Does a fat puppy hate fast cars?
Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
Does a cat come with its own climbing gear?
( Person or thing) is tougher than wood pecker lips.
He's been everywhere but the electric chair and done everything but commit suicide (to a know it all BSer)
Kid I poured more concrete than you ever walked across!(told to me by a 65yr old finisher)
He so crooked he has to screw his pants on( said by fellow GB member)
Kid you could reach your hands in a bucket of boobs and pull out a D*ck(as forementioned cement finisher)
Well you know boys', If this don't work we'll always wish it did(I don't know if I heard this or just said it one time to my guys)
Kid, If you can jump it, I can caulk it! ( told to me when I was 24 and foremen running MSU's football stadium expantion and I had laid out a wall with larger control joints to make up a dumb distance.)
and finally after having a rough time my buddy says " well, I guess it's better then gettin' hit in the butt w/ a bag of balls!"
My Uncle Tim always says " Funner than going to the pound and pettin' puppies!"
His/Her elevator just does not go all the way too the top
He couldn't hit a bull in the * with a bass fiddle (poor aim)
She's built like a brick ---- house!
He done up and "kicked the bucket"
Don't look a gifted horse in the mouth
A stitch in time, saves nine
Thats the best invention since sliced bread
Don't ever bring out a gun lest you intend to use it
As old as Balaam's *
Don't bring knife to a gunfight
He went out of here like a bat out of hell
Cool as a cucumber
Slow as molasses runn'in up hill
Right as rain
That thing runs like a scalded dog (good running short track car) also that thing runs like a skeered rabbit
And last but not least- Keep yer powder dry- And we all being gun enthusiasts know this one could be hundreds of years old since powder guns have been around for half a millenia.
When Daddy and I would get all camo'ed up, 4 wheelers on the trailer and climbing stands attached to the back of 'em and guns in the gunrack, he'd always say, "Well, at least we look like we know what we're doing."
Snug as a bug in a rug,poor as a church mouse,tight as bark on a tree,cant get blood out of a turnup,so cold it would freese the balls off a brass monkey
Comments
"Tastes so good it'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
"
Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
Does a cat come with its own climbing gear?
( Person or thing) is tougher than wood pecker lips.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol
Darker than a sack of as$%^les
Happy as a sissy in a bag full of weiners (input more offensive word if you will)
That went over like a fart in church
Kid I poured more concrete than you ever walked across!(told to me by a 65yr old finisher)
He so crooked he has to screw his pants on( said by fellow GB member)
Kid you could reach your hands in a bucket of boobs and pull out a D*ck(as forementioned cement finisher)
Well you know boys', If this don't work we'll always wish it did(I don't know if I heard this or just said it one time to my guys)
Kid, If you can jump it, I can caulk it! ( told to me when I was 24 and foremen running MSU's football stadium expantion and I had laid out a wall with larger control joints to make up a dumb distance.)
and finally after having a rough time my buddy says " well, I guess it's better then gettin' hit in the butt w/ a bag of balls!"
My Uncle Tim always says " Funner than going to the pound and pettin' puppies!"
Dumber than a pack of A holes.
If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch.
Just because there is snow on the roof doesn't mean that there isn't fire in the furnace.
He could fall in sh#t and come out smelling like roses.
A newer one: A few french fries short of a Happy Meal.
He is so ugly his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him.
Why he is so ugly that he must have ran thru a unly forest and hit every limb.
If he was on fire I wouldn't piss on him to help put out the fire.
Possum on a gum bush (Dukes of Hazzard)
Snake in the grass (underhanded sneaky fellow)
Proud as a peacock
Mean as a junkyard dog
Hard as a buck board (wagon bench seat)
Up in smoke (disappeared)
Now thats about as rare as hens teeth
Walking on pincushions (anxious fellow)
Hotter than the fourth of July
His/Her elevator just does not go all the way too the top
He couldn't hit a bull in the * with a bass fiddle (poor aim)
She's built like a brick ---- house!
He done up and "kicked the bucket"
Don't look a gifted horse in the mouth
A stitch in time, saves nine
Thats the best invention since sliced bread
Don't ever bring out a gun lest you intend to use it
As old as Balaam's *
Don't bring knife to a gunfight
He went out of here like a bat out of hell
Cool as a cucumber
Slow as molasses runn'in up hill
Right as rain
That thing runs like a scalded dog (good running short track car) also that thing runs like a skeered rabbit
And last but not least- Keep yer powder dry- And we all being gun enthusiasts know this one could be hundreds of years old since powder guns have been around for half a millenia.
Lee
F'ed up as a soup sandwich.
F'ed up as a football bat.
can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top
about a half a bubble off plumb.
Flash in the pan.
EvilDr235
a day late and a dollar short
knee high to a grass hopper
when pigs fly
I used to walk uphill both ways
if the police are chaseing you don't run to the house (advise from my father when I was young)
when the green flag drops the BS stops
racing costs money, how fast you want to go?
there's no replacement for displacement
if you keep doing that you'll go blind
does Howdy Doody have wooden balls
speed dosn't kill but sudden stops do
I'm dating old lady thumb and her 4 daughters.
It's dryer than a popcorn fart.
He's poor as Job's turkey.
He's got enough money he could burn a wet mule.
this is going to hurt
thats going to leave a mark
head ache?? head like that i would not dought it!
Does a bear sh/+ in the woods?
Not if its in a phone booth.
Madder then a bear sh-+ing a mace can side was.
shakeing like a hummingbird sh-+ing a golf ball.
Old farmers sayings
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain Dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.
close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades
Looks like she got beat with an ugly stick
Grandma: (on a damp day) "it's mizzlin out"
Uglier than a mud fence
Threat heard in a barroom: "my dog barks over here and bites over there"
(was my cue to leave)
That'ud gag a maggot off a gut wagon
Allen
Screw up a one car funeral.
Grinning like a sack full of possum heads.
As funny as a monkey f'n a football.
One foot in the grave, and the other on a banana peel.
That's pretty big talk for such a little guy.
Money talks, bulls**t walks.
He was so ugly as a kid, his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him.
He was so poor as a kid, if he hadn't been born a boy, he wouldn't have had anything to play with.
When I die, I want to go in my sleep like Grandpa. Not kicking and screaming like the rest of the people in his car.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Hold my beer and watch this.
He took to it like a wolf pup to red meat.
...ever since Christ was a Cub Scout.
...ever since Moby Dick was a guppy.
He's so tight you couldn't drive a hatpin up his * with a sledgehammer.