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Varmit Hunter, if you come to the Texas panhandle, come on by and I'll buy you a drink...Anywhere close to Amarillo will do...Just give me a shout.......
Seeing as how i wuz hatched in that part of the world i have a much different view from Rems. I see a long slow teeth rattling ride up a very long and rough hollow untill our 4x4 comes to rest on a large rock with all four wheels spinning wildly. I see another five or six mile hike through the creek beds and over logs kicking rattle snakes and copper heads out of our way. Then we come to the log house. The back is sitting flush against the hill side and the front is on stilts 20 feet up. It is lop sided and chickens are roosting underneath. There is three trucks, two motor bikes, two refrigeraters one wringer type washer and one old couch all in a state of disrepair. We walk up the steps to the porch and have to step over an old hound laying on the last step. Two little naked boys go running back in the house with a scared look on their face. Walking inside we are greeted by three more blue tic hounds lying on the floor, the 300 pound jolly missus fussing over us pouring moon shine from a mason jar into tea cups for all of us. From the kitchen comes the aroma of possum stew, corn bread and all kinds of home canned veggies. more later
Well I glad to see everyone has cought on to the spirit of our club! The choice of a meeting place was commendable, my orange hunting hat goes off to the honerable Rembrandt. Mr.Rembrandt and the esteemed Mr. Beekeep you have not yet let the club know of all the events that ya'll have devised for our first gathering.
As we all sit around the study speaking of current events, Lord Beekeeper gently clinks his brandy snifter to get everyones attention. Silence falls upon the room....each member listens with anticipation. Lord BeeKeeeper anounces the sad news that the "Smoking Jacket Club" is being sued by former Attorney General Janet Reno for failure to let Ladies join our ranks....he further explained that in his recent conversation with Ms Reno, concerns were raised about smoking cigars, health risks, and undo financial hardship for the states health care system. Finnally, wearing smoking jackets is a form of gang dress code identity that is not politically correct.Is it possible this could this be the end of the "Smoking Jacket Club"?....... [This message has been edited by Rembrandt (edited 10-14-2001).]
As we are contemplating our future,as if by devine intervention Jeeves steps in and bids us all"good evening,gentlemen",and to lord Beekeeper "telephone my lord,it is for you sir,OR for lord Rembrandt".I make a light gesture with my left hand(the one hoding the cognac) for lord Rembrandt to please take the call.Sir lord Rembrandt takes the phone offered by Jeeves,in his left hand(the one not holding the bubble gum cigar)and says "Lord Rembrandt speaking"...."Yes,..yes,...yes,...I see,..Yes ,thank you very much."and hands the phone back to Jeeves.Sir Lord Rembrandt is now standing before us all,with a pleased with himself look on his face.I say to him "Well, come out with it ,my good fellow"!!Lord Rembrandt reports,"I`ve just been informed that,since Lord Beekeeper`s main residence is in Florida,Ms.Reno assumed our fine club was based there,and that she had a case.Seems Lord Beekeeper had the good sense to license us in West Virginia...all is good again my good fellows,all is good."And so our group of merry men live to play another day....Lord Beekeep opens a mason jar of uncle Elmo`s Low Bush Lightnin`for all who will partake,for this is truly a special occasion.[This message has been edited by 218Beekeep (edited 10-15-2001).]
It is not for lack of culture that I demur, but rather for lack of funds. I fear that nose pickin' is about the only pass time I can afford of late. I do have the requisite pipes, a snifter and cognac in a brace of brands, but it does seem to me that a fine gentlemans club must needs allow members some small modicum of self expression and self indulgence.
So ,what do ya say we put the 99 Savage collection through the paces.And them Bees,and 32-20s. That don`t cost nuthin`..218
Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?[This message has been edited by 218Beekeep (edited 10-15-2001).]
It has become glaringly apparent that all of us need varying degrees of mental help!!! I can see that my "thread of sanity" notion is out of the question.Just let me know when and where!!!Mudge
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS![This message has been edited by mudge (edited 10-15-2001).]
Are visitors allowed to "the club"? And if so,I cannot abide by rule#4,as I do not even own a tie.Hell,dressed up for me is a shirt with buttons.And about rule#6,occasionally I enjoy being carminitive (look that one up) around people who take things and themselves too seriously.If you can provide a loaner for rule#4,I can agree to leave the room to abide by rule#6....Maybe
As the members of the smoking jacket club celebrate their legal victory, the Ladies Auxillary, AKA the smoking credit card club,is faced with a dilemma of immense proportions: Do they want a new toy from Gunbroker, a snazzy little P90 perhaps; or the Lenox China from e-Bay? After pondering this weighty issue for 15 seconds, they decide to get both; after all, a good bargain is hard to pass up. To celebrate their god buys, the girls decide to spend a day at the range. Of course, they have to swing by Cabelas on the way out to pick up the latest in shooting fashion. (Really, you fellas wouldn't want us out in last years fatigues, now would you?) After going through a box or 12 of top notch ammo, the girls head out for dinner and drinks.As the evening winds down, the ladies decide they need a little pampering after a hard day of racking up charges. They book themselves into the penthouse suite at William Westin; and relax with a nice massage from Andre, the house masseur. As they top the evening off with a little Dom Perignon, the laugh at those foolish women in Florida who would actually want to join a club full of men with smelly cigars who pick thier noses; the Auxillary is soooooo much more fun.[This message has been edited by Mom Mom (edited 10-15-2001).]
Perhaps we were presumptuous to think the lovely Ladies were not interested in our Club...I would like to make a motion that we not preclude these fair creatures from our beloved club, provided of course that they abide by the previous guidelines set forth. I fear much harm could come to our reputations and bank accounts if we failed to make this provision.Rogerglide, you are more than welcome as a member of the club. Don't worry about the Smoking Jacket, Lord BeeKeeper has many to choose from. (He rather has a fetish about them you know...just like guns, he acquires several each week.) Sir Rosie and Sir Lowrider would be glad to assist in a selection for you. As Sir Shane mention earlier, I am quite pleased with the spirited participation everyone has shown concerning the "Smoking Jacket Club". Who would have thought that our personalities could have been changed so dramaticly with a simple post and a little humor.
Perhaps the members of the ladies auxiliary can accomodate some of our member's needs by refering to the Christmas Cabelas catalog, pg 98, upper left hand corner. It appears that our friends Dick and Jim have joined our cause by providing a proper smoking jacket for our cause.Unfortunately, Mom Mom, since Leer Jets and Bell Helicopters are quite costly the finances of the smoking jacket members are undoubtedly going to be taxed by our travel expenses to Lord Beekeeper's Estate. Due to the shame that would be incurred by any member if he was revealed to have impuned his good name by a poor credit rating, it would be unadvisable to saddle your partner at this time with an exorbitant credit bill. The shame to be incurred by such an ill-advised action should certainly be sufficient deterrent to prevent any unwise credit expendiures at this time. I'm certain you and your like minded auxiliary understand the delicacies inherent in comingling at this rarified level of society.
When you want to dial long distance...AT&T, .223, or Jeremiah 33.3?
Perhaps one of our members who is well versed in the matters of sparkling wines ,Lord Dancing Bear comes to mind,could inform our fine ladies of the merrits of a fine California Sonoma Methode Champenoise,as oppossed to a French Champaine.Perhaps a seminar would be in order,say over the internet,then Lord Dancing bear could give us a report at our next meeting.Also an all out cry of support for American companies,for household needs,Luncheons and lodging etc.,etc.,etc.Firms such as WalMart,Days Inn,and Denny`s.Perhaps patriotism is our only way out,er,er,uhm,our finest ally.~Sir Lord Beekeeper~
After my wife read MOMs post and raved on and on about how fun that sounded I feel I must second Sir Rembrandts motion to include ladys in all our club events. I fear for my bank account if we don't!!
Iffen we allows women in what we goin to do about scratching? A mans gotta scratch. Also what about when the hounds run up and sniff their crotch? They is gonna be awful mad!
Now many of us go through life with a labelWhich might as well be a target on our backThere's so many groups out there, they are unstableThey pick out targets and let their hate attackAs their story goes, they are superiorWe know that's wrong, we are all humans here They want us to believe we are inferior They hate just for fun, because of their own fearThey hunt you down, they put you downThey're out every day spreading hateThey'll beat you up, or they'll string you upBeware, Hate Makes WasteHate is the root cause of all conflictHistory of wars didn't teach us about our fearsCan't you see moral fibers tearing around usBecause of hate our lives are flooded with tears As their story goes, they are superiorWe know that's wrong, we are all humans here They want us to believe we are inferior They hate just for fun, because of their own fearThey hunt you down, they put you downThey're out every day spreading hateThey'll beat you up, or they'll string you upBeware, Hate Makes WasteHow come I can't wear terry cloth, and what about Hats - do we remove the lids or can we keep them on if they match the robe?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY RIGHTS - GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY (this includes politicians)
Gee, Andrew, after keeping us in the style to which we would prefer to be accustomed, i.e. Saks, Ruger, Swede, Lambirghini, Calvin Kline; I don't think there will be much left for Leer and Bell. However, I understand Greyhound has some good deals these days.
Bluetic, Terrycloth bathrobes are....shall we say, not up to the image one would have of our group. While American society recently has dumbed down standards for mass appeal, we would like to raise the standards (and image) of our fellow members. Regarding hats....one should treat club meetings with the same respect and reverence shown when attending church, please remove when indoors, however; tradition would permit MomMom to wear a fashionable head covering if she so desired.
I must have missed that one! Ladys and Gentlemen I would like to address the club on some new business. With the start of our new soiety (club) I feel we have overlooked one important matter. We need a club song, one that reflects our views and opinions. My first suggestion is "BAD TO THE BONE" At this time I would like to open the floor to all other suggestions. The club songs will be voted on at a later date. THANK YOU ALL,
Dang! You beat me to the punch with the song suggestion. I was thinking about "Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep" but "Bad to the Bone" sounds a little better. Now where did I put those velcro gloves?
Dang! You beat me to the punch with the song suggestion. I was thinking about "Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep" but "Bad to the Bone" sounds a little better. Now where did I put those velcro gloves?But, in all seriousness, would a bit of Latin intruduced at the proper time and occasion suffice for the four and five syllable words? I have not darkened the doorstep of a proper institution of education in some five or six years and it has been a fortnight since I cracked the spine of an intellectually uplifting novel. I become incredibly proper when stimulated by the effects of an adult beverage so my manners in conversation and behavior are nothing to fret. However, the appearance of education tends to wane with the passing hours of the eve.[This message has been edited by idsman75 (edited 10-17-2001).]
Sir Shane,what you missed was a guy streaking through our meeting,"nekkid,and sucking on a bottle of bobs best,catch me if you can".He called himself Miss.Creant,it was his 2nd post on GB under that name.His first post (if he has not deleted it)can be seen on the Alcatraz thread.I caught on that it was minda,going on about miscreants,and bobs best.It Is minda!!!!!Actually ,I caught on before I saw the one here.~Bee~ [This message has been edited by 218Beekeep (edited 10-18-2001).]
Allowing as I have been surmised to be a connoisseur of fermented fruit beverages, I feel obligated to proffer my opinion in the matter of a fine champagne. I personally, never was able to comprehend the appeal of champagne, I can comprehend where it would have it's place in a social assemblage. I do not believe, however, champagne lends itself to the solemn contemplation one enjoys in the solitude of his club. I have often believed that this inspired verse was penned by myself, the inspiration being a vigorous libation, on the men's room walls of many fine establishments, It goes as follows;Here's to champagneThe drink divineTen dollars worth of bubblesOne dollars worth of wine My personal choice for a sparkling wine, would be a concoction first offered by a long ago acquaintance, Redd Foxx, not having any champagne to impress a lady friend, he mixed ginger ale and Ripple, a personal favorite, and christened his creation Champipple.For stocking the cellar I will withhold any recommendations until such a time as I have inspected the chamber and analyzed it's climate and other accoutrements. This will better allow me to suggest wines the cellar will support.As with cognac, the proper consumption vessel is necessary to best appreciate the taste of a fine wine. I most heartily suggest a brown paper bag wrapped around the bottle. I must strongly oppose any suggestion that women be allowed in the club, other than for an occasional social event. I have descried that most women tend to be inordinately and openly critical regarding the amplitude of elixirs imbibed and the redolence of fine cigars, thus bringing ones tranquil ruminations to an abrupt termination. Permitting them to squander some assets shopping might prove to be a inconsequential expenditure if it accords a man the opportunity to realize nirvana, in his sanctum santorium. DB
The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs.
Bubba Joel.Thanks for that invite.Betwen that 60mph wind,Red dust and 30degre weather,My Smoken jacket is hedden to the cleaners.I hope they can get that big * Terantula spider out of the pocket.How do yall keep that dust out of your chicken eggs?
A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.
How about "Louie - Louie". When you're singing, nobody can tell if you know all the words or not.Mudge
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
varmit hunter, I certainly hope you didn't go and bother our tarantula's....We raise 'em here and make pets out of them.....LOLI was wondering if'n I could bring one of my pets to the next smoking jackets club meet'n...
Bubba I kinda hate to tell you this,But I woped that sucker with my cain till there was nothing left to whop.Next time I will try to be a kinder,gentler person.Will you please shave that harry thing before you bring it?
A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.
Comments
Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?[This message has been edited by 218Beekeep (edited 10-15-2001).]
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS![This message has been edited by mudge (edited 10-15-2001).]
When you want to dial long distance...AT&T, .223, or Jeremiah 33.3?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY RIGHTS - GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY (this includes politicians)
The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs.
A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.
A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.